Kicking the habit: Breaking down from a personal perspective

  • Published
  • By Airman 1st Class Kristopher Levasseur
  • 48th Fighter Wing Public Affairs
Editor's note: This is the third part of a three part series documenting a smoker's attempt to quit.

In starting this story, I can't help but think; how do I tell more than 7,000 people I failed? In reality, it's not the 7,000 people I care about telling, it's the three at home that have the most invested in me quitting smoking.

I can't even begin to describe how disappointed I am in myself right now. I know I can do this, but I let a moment of weakness destroy all the work I had done.

Everything was going fine. I was still having cravings for cigarettes, but I was in control. Then I decided to have a few drinks. I can't say I started smoking again because I had a few drinks, but it didn't help.

Alcohol is one of my biggest triggers. This time, I didn't take care to try to avoid my triggers. I was trying to confront my triggers and push past them, but I was too reckless.

It started off with me saying "Oh, I'll just have one, and I will be fine." But after that one, I wanted another. From there, I just kept on going.

My situation reminds me of what I learned in the smoker's cessation class. You can't just have one and be fine. I knew that, but I did it anyway.

At this point, I haven't told my family that I have stopped quitting. I don't know how to break it to them. Just the thought of how my son is going to react is almost bringing me to tears.

I could make a ton of excuses as to why I broke down and started smoking again, but the real reason is that I am too weak. Quitting smoking was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  This time I didn't have the will power to go through with it.

I do plan to keep trying to quit. I have a friend who wants to quit with me. Hopefully with her help, I can get it done this time. Who knows though; only time will tell. Expect to see an update in a couple of months.