Men are spouses too (part 1)

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Teresa M. Hawkins
  • 100th Air Refueling Wing Public Affairs
RAF MILDENHALL, England --  It's 6 a.m., and the kids are up before you. The baby's hungry and crying in the crib. The other two children are tugging at the blankets telling you they want breakfast. You literally roll out of bed and head downstairs telling yourself that your 4-month-old son drinks milk, not coffee, from his bottle.

As you walk the kids to the bus stop, your daughter looks up and asks, "Daddy, when will Mommy be back?" And, with the female population in the Air force, more and more children are asking that same question.

According to Air Force Personnel Center statistics, 19.7 percent of the active-duty Air Force is female, and 61 percent of the total active force is married. With those numbers, many men are assuming the role of "house husbands," working and maintaining the household while their wives are deployed.

"A marriage is an equal partnership," said EJ Hinskton. "One way or another someone needs to carry the load."

Mr. Hinskton is married to Maj. Tammy Hinskton, 100th Services Squadron commander. He is also a Department of Defense civilian employee who works for the 100th Logistics Readiness Squadron's Wing One Stop Customer Service Section.

Others agreed, and said very little changes in the family structure when the female spouse is serving in the military.

Christopher Owens is married to Capt. Tyisha Owens, 100th Mission Support Group executive officer, and said when he was force-shaped the only thing that changed was their budget. "She would have to pay most of the bills," he said.

Ruben Cerda said he and his wife Staff Sgt. Melissa Cerda, 100th Communications Squadron wing communication security accountant, both work hard to provide for their family, and at home they're able to fall into their "traditional roles" without issue.

Mr. Cerda is the 48th Services Squadron acting director of youth programs and director of community centers.

"I joke with her that I outrank her that I shouldn't fraternize with an enlisted troop," he said with a laugh. "My civilian grade is a captain equivalent."

All these men said they're comfortable in their relationships, and that their wives serving in the military doesn't mean the core values of their marriages has changed - although it does get interesting sometimes.

"While my wife was deployed I took care of the wedding planning," Mr. Owens said.

Mr. Hinskton added that being the military family member of a female Airman can offer some new challenges.

While his wife was deployed, their 8-year-old daughter attended a fancy-dress party, and he was trying really hard to fix her hair. Finally, his daughter asked him if she could just call "Mrs. Tyisha." 

They did, and everything worked out. But it's still evidence of the compromise that comes with military family life.

Mr. Cerda said his family history has been beneficial to his marriage.

"Because of my own experience as a military brat, I taught her how to cope with being away from family, the stress of new cultures and more," he said. "Our very first assignment was to RAF Mildenhall a few years ago, and we got off the plane at 5 a.m.

"We got to the passport counter and the agent asked for our passports," he added. "Melissa couldn't understand her (accent), so I gently moved her aside and translated English to American."

When it comes to marriage and the military, it doesn't matter whether the husband or wife is wearing the uniform. Marriage is a partnership, and, the men and women at RAF Mildenhall are proving it every day.