Men are spouses too (part 2)

  • Published
  • By Tech. Sgt. Tracy L. DeMarco
  • 100th Air Refueling Wing Public Affairs
RAF MILDENHALL, England --  The term dual-income is used to describe a household where both parents have full-time jobs. But, when it comes to the Murrie family, that term does little to describe the intense schedules they maintain.

"I commute to New York, N.Y., and then I start work," said Jon Murrie, an American Airlines pilot married to Col. Eden J. Murrie, 100th Air Refueling Wing commander. "So my commute is a little longer than most spouses, I guess, when I travel 3,500 miles to go to work."

In 1986, as an Air Force captain, Jon Murrie arrived at his second duty station, Ellsworth Air Force Base, S.D.

There, nestled in the Black Hills, he was assigned as KC-135R Stratotanker aircraft commander. Shortly after arrival, he began a budding courtship with a young first lieutenant navigator who was in charge of the squadron newsletter. And in February 1989, Jon and Eden were wed.

He has dreamed of flying since kindergarten.

"When I got out (of the Air Force), Eden said, 'Well if you don't get hired by the airlines there are other jobs you can do.' I go, 'What?'" Jon laughed. "There is no other job besides flying."

Before the nuptials, Jon was already preparing to transition from the Air Force to American Airlines, and as planned about a year after getting married, he was hired. Just three weeks before Jon left to attend three months of initial training with American, his daughter Devon was born.

"Eden was basically a single mom at that time," Mr. Murrie said, "It was sort of like I was deployed."

By swapping flights with other American Airline pilots, Jon is able to maximize his time at home to experience the big moments in his 12th-grade daughter's life such as dances and dates.

He also works with his wife's increasingly busy schedule to spend time with her as well. The calendar that resides in their kitchen is color-coded for each person and it paints a perfect picture of these on-the-go people.

"Some folks look at us and say, 'How do you guys to that?'" Mr. Murrie said.

With his prior service, he fully understands and supports his wife's high stress lifestyle. He makes it very clear that neither of their jobs is more important than the other - a balance motivated by necessity and love.

"I knew she wanted to stay in, as a career, and she knew I was going to get out by the time we got married," he said. "We tried to arrange our schedules, and with a live-in au pair or nanny we kept our daughter's schedule as normal as possible."

Being an officer in the Air Force, Col. Murrie has had her fair share of deployments - an average of one every few years - according to her husband. The rest of the family has learned to take mom's absence in stride.

"You're doing everything long distance - through different time zones. When Devon and I were in the states and Mom was in Europe, it was already late at night in Europe by the time Devon wanted to talk to her on the phone after school. Do I wake her up so they can talk? It's sort of like a long distance relationship. But it's not."

Though Jon has relatable issues to other military spouses such as being a single parent for months-at-a-time, he does have a few more spotlights pointed in his direction now. Being married to a wing commander presents its own amount of pressure.

"I'm not used to, 'How are you doing sir?'" he chuckled. "It's Jon, you know."

Jon attends as many base functions as his flying schedule will allow. He also fills his time at home by holding the position of consultant for both the enlisted and officer spouses' clubs.

"As the wing commander's spouse, I'm an advisor to both clubs," he said. "I don't vote; I get to sit in as an honorary board member to address problems."

Although spouses' clubs often struggle to increase their male spouse attendance, Jon encourages men to give them a chance.

"They're good support groups," he said. "They're a way, if your kids are at school or you're not volunteering or working on base, to get out and meet other people, especially when your spouse is deployed."

For the past 17 years, Jon has been a military family member.

Whether Mr. Murrie is flying with American Airlines, eating at the head table of a dining-out, or helping his daughter pick out a prom dress, he has a full to-do list. He manages to juggle his job, responsibilities as a father, and his duties as a husband.

He's a man, who by his own accounts has it all.