A branch of support: Family advocacy nurtures, strengthens relationships

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Sarah Gregory
  • 31st Fighter Wing Public Affairs
AVIANO AIR BASE, Italy --  According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, one out of three women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

Domestic abuse occurs worldwide and despite the professional and upstanding reputation associated with today’s military, it is not uncommon in military families. Reports have actually found there is a higher incidence of domestic violence within military families.
Although organizations such as the 31st Medical Group’s Family Advocacy Program are available to help families experiencing abuse or potentially violent situations, Lynn Yates, family advocacy outreach manager, said that often people don’t ask for help because they fear career repercussions.

“The big misconception about family advocacy is, ‘I can’t go for counseling or it’ll get reported to my chain of command,’” she said. “The myth is that asking for help will ruin careers, but it doesn’t.”

After struggling with anger issues, one Aviano member sought help with family advocacy because she feared she might hurt her family.

“I knew I had a bad temper and didn’t like the way I was treating my husband and child. I was worried I would end up hitting my child,” she said. “I had a friend who had been to family advocacy for counseling, so I decided to check it out.”

Taking part in individual and marital counseling and the women’s group helped the woman change her life.

“I am a different person now. I understand myself and my family so much better,” she said. “I have learned new ways to handle my frustrations before they turn into intense anger. My husband and child have told me they see the changes I’ve made.”

The belief that going to family advocacy can affect careers often stems from the fact that most military members have been required to attend counseling.

“About 85 percent of our maltreatment clients are referred to us by security forces or the servicemember’s first sergeant,” said Ms. Yates. “Once security forces respond to a domestic violence incident and a report is made, that servicemember’s first sergeant is notified and the member is mandated to come to us for an assessment.”

The only time the family advocacy counselors are required to report something is when the person actually tells them about an instance of abuse, or if they are a danger to themselves or others. Family advocacy counselors also don’t dictate what consequences a member receives if they are involved in an abuse incident.

“We only have to notify the chain of command if abuse, suicidal or homicidal thoughts are mentioned,” said Ms. Yates. “The majority of the time, command-directed consequences are the result of security forces involvement. The member’s commander works with the legal office to determine any UCMJ action.”

To avoid UCMJ consequences associated with domestic violence, Ms. Yates recommends people seek help before an abuse or neglect incident actually occurs.

“A lot of people perceive us as a maltreatment facility, but we have many voluntary services and prevention programs,” she said. “The important thing for people to remember is abuse tends to be progressive. It can begin with a shove and get steadily worse over time if intervention isn’t made. Just by walking through our door, a person has made a step in the right direction.”

As the woman who chose to ask for help in dealing with her anger issues can attest, people who seek a counselor for problems aren’t perceived as a weak or terrible person.

“I would absolutely recommend seeking help. I was nervous at first, and didn’t want anyone to think I was a bad mom or bad person, but no one did,” she said. “They said I was strong for seeking help and I’m so glad that I took that step.”

Counselors ensure clients’ privacy is protected through the appointment-making process.

“Because we fall under the 31st Medical Group, a person can tell their supervisor they have a medical appointment without revealing it’s with family advocacy,” said Ms. Yates. “If we have to call someone, we don’t identify ourselves, we just say it’s the clinic calling. People are a lot more likely to come for help if there’s privacy.”

Military members working with family advocacy get the benefit of the counselors’ expertise with troubled families. All counselors are required to have at least three years experience dealing with domestic violence and child abuse situations. Ms. Yates, a counselor for more than 14 years, has seen all types of people come in for help.

“We have all ranks, officers and enlisted, active duty and spouses come here,” she said. “A large percentage are not anyone you would pick out and say ‘That’s an abusive person.’”

Another misconception frequently encountered is that some women enjoy emotionally abusive or controlling relationships and that’s why they stay in them.

“There is no certain type of women that gets abused,” said Ms. Yates. “They may be any race, age or financial status. Often abused women have gotten used to the abusive, controlling behaviors and may perceive them as normal.”

While a majority of the abuse cases are against women, Ms. Yates said abuse cases are not unheard of against men.

“We see strong, mature, independent women who are drawn to controlling men and we also see strong, independent men who are drawn to controlling women,” she said. “While these women may not be physically abusive, we have seen cases of emotional abuse against male spouses. Many men are embarrassed to admit this.”

For a variety of reasons, sometimes people don’t recognize that what they are experiencing is classified as abuse.

“A lot of people have love mixed up with jealousy and the need to control, so they might not see those early warning signs as abuse,” said Ms. Yates. “They see a partner’s jealously and possessiveness as flattering initially.”

Through family advocacy’s wide range of specialized classes, Aviano members can learn how to strengthen their marriages, manage anger or get support from a home nurse or social worker. All it takes is a phone call to the family advocacy clinic.

“Counseling is the most unique of fields because the tool we use for change is ourselves,” said Ms. Yates. “We want our clients to know that for whatever moment we’re with them, we genuinely care about them and, hopefully, we plant the seeds of change within them.”